It would appear that in the blogging world it is nearly sacrilegious to not do a holiday gift guide or give tips for holiday decor. I’m not opposed to gift guides or festooning your homestead in tinsel, I just choose to focus my seasonal preparations in other areas. I’ve decided to give you My Holiday Survival Guide; 5 things to help you get through any family gathering.
Why make this kind of list? Three reasons:
1. My family has finally conceded to a no gift policy at Christmas. We’ve collectively recognized our own exhaustion (with a few years of encouragement, of course) and thrown in the jolly ol’ towel. Don’t get me wrong, I luuuuurve to receive a gift just as much as anyone else and I especially love giving what I think are the-most-thoughtful-gifts-of-all-time … I just don’t think that we should all have to do it at once.
2. I just got back from a tropical holiday and I’m not really feeling the ‘holiday spirit’. I can’t lie; Christmas has never been my favourite holiday (I’m more of a Halloween fan) so although I can get quite into making handmade cards and decorations, this year it’s not calling to me. So why force it, right? Right.
3. Family gatherings are inevitable and therefore a list of things to help you survive said gatherings is essential to all. Unless of course there isn’t anyone in your family that you dread seeing …
… I’m sorry, I just fell into a utopic day dream sequence there. As I was saying, everyone can benefit from this list.
My Holiday Survival Guide
#1 – Bring Games
Conversations getting awkward? Why not mix things up with some friendly competition? Games help everyone focus on something other than the fact that you’re in your 30’s and unwed. Plus, the sooner you loose, the sooner you get to leave the table. Bingo! Editors note: I don’t recommend Monopoly unless you know that everyone involved can handle it. The time commitment involved in this game can lead to far more harsh reactions in a loss situation than say … Snakes & Ladders. On the other hand, you may have the opportunity to capture a moment like this when your brother makes a pit stop at your Boardwalk hotel and is forced to give you all four railroads:
Losing all four railroads can be devastating.
#2 – Only Give Toys that Require Hours of Concentrated Assembly
Best case scenario: hours of quiet concentration getting it set up.
Worst case scenario: they get bored so you swoop in and take over resulting in hours of quiet concentration getting it set up.
Win win!
#3 – Dazzle Them With Photos
They say that a picture is worth a 1000 words. That’s 1000 words you won’t have to have in conversation! Also, your older relatives may not be on Facebook meaning that although your photos seem less-than-exciting to you, they’ll love it. I suggest editing your Facebook photo albums for a G rating and just flipping through those or go for the original Instagram; the slide projector.
#4 – Don’t Forget Your Eating Pants
This one is obvious but for those traveling home for the holidays this is the single most important item to bring with you. Unless, of course, you posess will power. In which case; more pie for me!
Editors Note: while doing an image search for ‘eating pants’ the above photo of something called Pic Nic Pants was found. Unbelievable.
#5 – Exercise You Right to BYOB
I come from a long line of home brewers. Sadly, there has been very little evolution in those lines and I have been forced to drink some wines that would likely rate better as vinegar. Bring a bottle of white and red with you and always fill your glass out of sight (if you do this on a regular basis please seek professional help). When one wine-making-relative asks you to sample their festive brew, simply hold up your glass, smile and tell them that you’re enjoying uncle Harry’s merlot and can’t wait to try theirs next. Then tell uncle Harry the same thing about what Grandpa is calling ‘red’.
There you have it, five small things that can help you get through your holiday festivities. All joking aside, I actually love my family and look forward to spending time with them. Really! Have a happy, healthy holiday everyone full of baked goods, hot toddies, and good cheer.
Photo sources: Title family photo, game night, Jim Harbaugh gif, assembly kid, slide show, pic nic pants, Star Trek choking